Dear Jean: Could you address the issue of planning for end-of-life a little more? We have done extensive planning, but we are concerned about what will happen if we have dementia. We would not want our lives prolonged if we are no longer able to make those decisions for ourselves, and we don’t want our children to have to make those decisions either.
My sister died of Alzheimer’s, but in later stages, she was also treated for cancer. I don’t think she would have chosen that.
It would be helpful to have a document explaining that, and would we have to have it witnessed? Are there specific statements that we could use?
“We put more planning into a birthday party than into our healthcare plan.” Ben Adams
Answer: There is such a document. It is an Advance Directive, and it pairs with the Health Care Power of Attorney. The HCPOA names a person, and an AD shares the words of what our desires are – it gives direction. In Wisconsin, yes, your signature needs to be witnessed with some requirements.
I reached out to Ben Adams, retired elder law attorney. He is passionate about helping people with questions like yours.
He kicked off the conversation by pointing out, “We put more planning into a birthday party then into our healthcare plan.”
“First,” he said, “you need documentation appointing a good advocate for you: your Health Care POA. When the time comes and you can no longer speak for yourself, you should have someone ready to step up; someone who already knows your wishes, your values and what treatment you would want. You should also have alternate agents.”
“Second,” Adams explained, “fill out the AD. It walks you through scenarios and your preference in various situations (like dementia + cancer). It gives you suggested words. It also leaves you room to put your own words.”
“Third, and most importantly, you want to have the conversation. Sit down and talk to your advocate/agent(s) and explain your desires. Give them a copy of your HCPOA/AD. Don’t stop there: if you have five children, give everyone a copy. No surprises.”
“You mention that you don’t want your children to have to make those decisions. In a very positive way, if you do this planning and the AD right, effectively your kids are carrying out your decisions, not coming up with their own.”
“Another part of your reader’s question is where they can get the words.” He continued. “In the Fox Valley, there are free workshops every month to supply the documents and help people better understand what to write. They provide guidance and answer questions, helping you better clarify your wishes and ensure your directives are known.”
For more information, call Fox Valley Advance Care Planning Partnership, 920-997-8412.
Here are two of the monthly workshops:
4th Mondays, 8-9:30 am, Mosaic Family Health, 100 N. Oneida St., Appleton
3rd Fridays, 1-2:30 pm, Mary Beth Nienhaus Activity Center, 3000 E. College Ave., Appleton
An advantage of attending a workshop is when someone asks a question, your eyes will light up, realizing you had the same question. In the small-group setting, you can work on your forms together. Don’t forget to then go back and talk to your family.