I have this thing. I need to clear-out things because I have too much stuff. But this thing is special. It cannot just go to charity. It must go to the right person, someone who will appreciate it. I’ll bet you have a thing, too. We want to control our stuff and who gets it.
Why are we so attached to our stuff?
That possessiveness goes back to our childhood. One of the early words we learned was “MINE!” If you had brothers and sisters like I did, we shared many things, but my favorite dolls were “mine” and my little sister had better keep her hands off them.
Maybe the challenge is that we have so many areas of our life that we cannot control anymore: loss of loved ones or health issues as our abilities decline. I can’t control my failing eyesight, but I can control what happens to my things.
That “thing” that I have now, I want my daughter to want it because it is my favorite. I want it to be her favorite. I am pretty sure she doesn’t want it.
Recently, I have been working with Jay Luck at Wisconsin Hypnosis Center. I decided it was time to reprogram my thinking about why I eat so much. At one of the sessions, we talked about anchoring. For me, an example of anchoring is that when I smell cinnamon, it triggers memories of Grandma Reimer. Yum. It was her scent. When I used to visit Grandma, I would smell that wonderful fragrance. Now, one whiff and I smile, remembering Grandma. That is anchoring. It can be a sound, a scent, an object, or maybe food. When we hear, smell, see, taste it, we are taken back to a different place and time, flooding our memory with good feelings. It isn’t that the item has any real value; it is the feeling that we hold dear. No wonder I like to eat desserts.
Now, you and I find ourselves in a house full of “anchors”. Everything has precious memories. It gives us security. We may not have the person with us anymore, but we have the things to trigger our memories. No wonder we cannot let go.
Look around the room you are in right now. How many things remind you of a special person or event?
It is understandable to cherish things, but are they moving you forward or holding you back? Don’t be hard on yourself. You are not weird. By understanding, you can be comfortable taking action. Decide what you want to do and move forward.
Recognize why these items are hard to let go of. Remember the source of the memory, acknowledge it, enjoy it, and then pass it on. Remember what our goal is. Hint, the goal is to have fewer items to our home – but keep the items that best represent our special memories. The goal is not to keep all items that have a memory.
Reprogram your thinking. Do not let those anchors weigh you down and keep you from going full steam ahead with your plans.
Jean Long Manteufel writes a column each month about life changes associated with aging. Send your questions to Jean@TransitionsWithJean.com or call 920-734-6052.