Dear Jean:

When I am with my grandchildren, I don’t know what to talk to them about. They just sit on their phones.   We don’t seem to have anything in common.  Do you have any ideas?

Answer: Sometimes, I wonder about the same thing.  I am pretty sure my grandkids are tired of Grandma asking, “How was school today?”

To get a good answer for you, I bribed two of my grands with dinner, and we talked about your question. Josh is 15 years old, and Matt is 21.  I usually take them out once a month for dinner at a local ethnic restaurant. The food already gives us something to talk about, and these dinners have given us an opportunity to get to know each other better.  We agree to no phones except to take a picture of us with our food.

To kick off our discussion, I googled “conversation starters for grandchildren”.  I gave my grands pages full of ideas. That got the ball rolling.  What ensued was a lively discussion.  We started out slowly, some questions made us laugh, some brought on sincere conversation, and after a while, we were talking over each other because of our enthusiasm.

When Matt asked me what superpowers I would pick, I answered with “I want to fly!”  Josh, always the thinker, asked if I want to just lift off like superman or, do I want wings?  “Wings, of course,” I answered, “Like a bird!”

Use questions where the answers aren’t just “yes” or “no” but are open-ended.  Here are some of the questions they selected for you:

• What’s the best gift you ever received?
• If you had a superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?
• What’s your favorite animal?
• Of the two of us, who would win a staring contest? Let’s try right now!
• What would be the perfect day?
• If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
• Who did you help recently and how?
• Would you rather be a werewolf or a vampire?
• What is your favorite family tradition?
• If you could decorate your room however you want, what would you do?
• What’s your favorite nickname?
• Why do you think turtles are green?
• What is your favorite memory?
• What is your favorite song? Of course you must sing a bit.
• If our family were animals, what would each person be?
• What is your favorite room in the house?
• Would you rather be a cat or a dog.
• What emoji do you use the most?
• Text or phone call?

Those ideas should get you going.  I mentioned googling questions, I also have cards called Questions for Humans (Parents & Kids) by Dr. John Delony.  We have used them over the years to get discussions going.

What I like about the questions my grands picked for you is that they give you great insight into each other.  Of course, you can’t just ask them questions but also answer them yourself, so they get to know you better.

Jean Long Manteufel writes a column each month about life changes associated with aging. Send your questions to Jean@TransitionsWithJean.com or call 920-734-6052.